If I die today, don't pretend you loved me if you didn't ; I promise I will be watching you crying and will come back and scratch your face with a fork you will use to eat, and if you don't use one, consider that more danger because I will carry one from the land of the dead. Even if you are taking rice, remember to use one since it may be a saviour to you.
If I happen to die before I see my ex again (ain't sure if I have one though), call him and tell him that he should not dare shed tears at my funeral, otherwise, I will use those tears to choke him ; I just hate pretenders and wouldn't want him to pretend he loved me - otherwise he would have begged me back before I died ( this does not guarantee that I want him back in any way).
If I die today, tell the man crushing on me to sit next to my corpse until am burried. Remind him it's not an obligation but a punishment he has to do or do ; he loved me but never said. Tell him to write all he oughted to tell me while alive and read them to me before am burried. He should not leave anything behind because I will know and this will guarantee him writing a book about what we could have done if he did so earlier. Failure to do this will make me come for his girlfriend.
If at all I will die having a best friend, tell her to die before receiving the news of my death. If she waits until she's told am dead, I will surely flatten her ass before I come for her. I don't wish any evil to her but I just want us to be best friends even in death and have fun haunting and chasing people around together.
If I die while making a meal, make sure my kith and kin refrain from that meal throught their lifetime. I promise I will die either eating or making my best meal. If they keep taking it, I will frequently come and steal their food, you know food is bae and I wouldn't want to disturb them ever after.
If I leave behind my clothes, let not anyone inherit them ; I will always come back for them since I will die wayward still hot and curvy. I will still need to attract hot niggas and leave them longing for such a beautiful bitch. If at any case I come back to steal my clothes and find you in them, trust me, you will walk naked in the streets.
If at any case I will still be having my sweet lover, let not anyone send condolences messages to him. I love him so much and would be physically next to him. Don't get his mind confused because I would not want to see him cry. Am not sure if I will carry him with me to the next world but make sure he doesn't know of it. If you have been admiring him, make sure you don't move any close to him or try to attract him. Am a jealous lover and death will not stop me from being me.
Finally, if I die today, I want to see people celebrating, don't pressurize my family to look for meals, music and fun. I want to see all those present but not from my family members. Let my funeral take only 2 minutes because I don't want the love of my life to realize am dead. I don't know how fast you will do that but let it be that fast. Remember you have to eat, dance and have fun but I want to join the next world as fast as possible. If that is not done in order, I will wake up and cain everyone present then go back and lie. Dare not to run because I will break your little legs. Make sure the next time it's done after two minutes because am sure you will not escape this . Am done....
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