Not to let you know how much you're hurting me but to explain to this paper how I'm feeling.
Loving you has been my favorite phase of life but I realize it's also been my worst: when I love you, I loose me. You're like that plague which was sent to completely destroy me. You say you love me, but the things you do are contrary and I'm even forced to question myself if words have meaning.
Somehow, my walls are breaking, somehow, I feel so tired and my heart is freezing. Somehow, I feel like giving up and calling it an end, but do ends really exist? I know this is the heaviest phase of my life, I wanted to love you forever but I'm dying a poor death, a death I never imagined of. So you promised to mend the lanes you broke but immediately after mending them, you stepped on them with tough soled boots. You ignited the pain, a pain you promised to heal and to make it worse, it's like you don't know you did it.
How do I explain to you that I'm hurting? How do I admit to you that you feel like home though home is becoming my worst place to be in? How do I admit to you that ever since I've been praying that you make this home something worth of one? How do I admit to you that I'm loving you through this pain?
Somehow, I feel like giving up but there's this screaming voice telling me to hold on. Somehow, I feel like sheding a waterfall of tears but there's this motive keeping me strong. I still want to love you eventhough I feel like letting go. Silently I'm praying that we pass through this phase but I don't know if I should trust these what ifs: But what if you don't lower that ego? What if you keep abusing me emotionally? What if I hold but you let go?
What if?
Tears 😭
#Brokenlanes
#Random
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